Holding it Together

This week has been a little tougher than others. With returning to work lurking around the corner, it's giving me slight anxiety going back to a new store, new staff, new environment and a 12 hour shift my first day back.  How am I going to manage? On top of that, I like to keep a clean and orderly home and when I feel like my things are a mess, my life is a mess.  I feel like there is so much to do during my last week at home like vacuum, mop, sweep, clean the bathrooms, laundry, organize my files, get ready for my return to work. I'm sure every mom goes through this daily but how do you do it with such grace and composure? There are some supermoms out there who make it look so easy and I'm over here looking like a hot mess.  I try to clean between his naps, stop halfway prepping dinner when he cries or wants to be fed, try to finish organizing our home but time slips away and things get left for the next day. I feel guilty when I leave him to play alone on his play mat while I'm trying to get things done because I should be helping to develop his motor skills. I struggle with wanting to spend time with him while he's awake because the precious time I have left with him will be spent at work. Dropping him off in the morning while he's still sleeping and I'll be home well after he goes to bed for the night during my night shifts.  When I get asked how I'm doing, I just say "I'm okay. Things are good." What you don't see is my dark bags under my eyes, my un-manicared nails, my clothes with spit-up on it,  my bedhead hair... the list goes on.  I don't want to sound like a big complainer because every part of this experience is worth it but I'm just an ordinary mom trying to hold it together.